The pain is unbearable once you have to make the decision for your spouse to be moved to Memory Care after 12 yrs of watching him decline since age 58. The last 6months prior to moving him in March 2023, he started just collapsing and has not been able to hardly speak for a year or more. He has not been able to use or know what items are for about 2 yrs. The problem is that the staff even at a good place is ill equipped for these residents. I watch them put 2-3 bites of food in someone's mouth and give up and move. I pay extra for a caregiver to come to the facility that is costing a fortune to make sure my husband gets fed and drinks. He does not know to open his mouth most of the time and is not able to understand how to use a spoon but he can still walk all day. I am struggling with the amount of time to visit. He is an hour from me but when I stay more than an hour he is very agitated when I leave so he is medicated. It seems 30-45 minutes works better but harder on me. It seems I have been grieving everyday all of these years, and it just continues as I watch him disappear more everyday. I can hardly breathe sometimes while at home feeling so guilty he is in that facility just walking around and not knowing what if anything his mind remembers. The hardest thing is I do not want him to think I have abandoned him at this time in his life but trying my best to give him what he needs and deserves. My mind plays games trying to figure out how to get him home where he could be safe but realistically that is not possible. I hope this helps someone with this decision coming up...praying for each of you!